jueves, 1 de octubre de 2009

Has recorrido un largo camino muchacha...

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Cuando era niña solía escuchar esas conversaciones de señoras en las que decían: “-Cuando me casé, dejé de trabajar… ¡¡MI MARIDO no quería que trabajara más!!
Lo extraño en esa afirmación, era el tono de orgullo con el que entonaban la frase…

A partir de entonces supe que me interesaría decodificar lo que ese mensaje –y todo similar- podía significar, pues aún hoy sigue socavando a muchas mentes femeninas.
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Las señoras de entonces –mediados del Siglo XX-, se hinchaban de orgullo al referirse a la orden de sus maridos, como si en eso se encontrara el paraíso; negando una realidad aceptada de la época: el casamiento las transformaba -en la mayoría de los casos- en servicio doméstico con cama adentro… sin sueldo.
Salvo que el marido en suerte, fuera un señor con una economía acomodada, pero ese, es otro tema.

Entender que eran mujeres criadas por otras mujeres que a su vez habían sido criadas para… ¡¡servir al hombre!!, era la pauta establecida. El matrimonio debía ser el fin último, la meta cumplida y la razón de la existencia.


Limpiar, fregar, tener hijos, lustrar, lavar, tener hijos, planchar, cocinar, tener hijos, hacer las compras, ordenar, tener hijos… Tareas sin descanso, ni feriados ni domingos.

El inicio de la condena se daba con la firma ilusionada en el registro civil. Una sentencia tácita de un futuro a trabajos forzados; la que a su vez desde sus tatara abuelas era bien vista: estas eran las obligaciones que te llevarían irremediablemente a la felicidad.

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Es así que tras varios años de matrimonio la esposa tenía deseos de pedir asilo en Moldavia. Pero no se lo confesaba a nadie. Esto era traducido en un llanto solitario para cuando el marido e hijos estaban ausentes de la casa.

Según parece por aquellos años, muchas “esposas” habrían comenzado a consumir psicofármacos –recetados por médicos que a su vez también tenían esposas consumidoras de psicofármacos o alcohol-, medicación que les habría servido para escapar de esa realidad.

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Dejando de lado que el mercado vio en tanta frustración el espacio ideal para una fuente de ingresos, en éstas mujeres se encontró a la consumidora de novelas y de todo producto que garantizara “¡¡la felicidad de una ama de casa!!”
¿De dónde creen que viene la costumbre del día de la madre?: exacto, para cuando a un par de vivos se les ocurrió que expiar culpas mediante obsequios, mitigaría el sufrimiento a tantas generaciones de mujeres abnegadas por obligación.


Con esas perspectivas, existían algunas que se animaban a hablar de logros y deseos personales y la posibilidad de desarrollar vocaciones, dejando de lado trapos de piso o mamaderas.
Pero no solo el entorno condenaba estas posturas, ya que intentar hablar sobre carreras universitarias en lugar de elegir candidatos aptos para el altar ¡¡era terrible!!
Y ni mencionar la palabra divorcio, eso ya significaba ¡¡la pena capital!!



Podría decir que Simone de Beauvoir para esos momentos, fue quien levantó su voz para que las mujeres fueran escuchadas y tuvieran otros espacios. Para que no fueran postergadas. Para que la materia gris femenina no se desperdiciara o quemara por los vapores de los productos de limpieza…

Hoy, apenas a media distancia de esas féminas al servicio exclusivo del marido -hombres que seguramente se daban el lujo de tener amantes, salidas divertidas con amigos y profesiones venturosas-, podemos decir: aún nos queda un largo camino muchachas…


Acá estamos, buscando el equilibrio que se aproxime a lo que cada una realmente desea. Muchas compartimos el trapo de piso con logros profesionales; reuniones de padres en el colegio de nuestros hijos. Llevamos vidas sin pareja o al lado de hombres que al menos entienden que las obligaciones se comparten (¡¡eso quiero imaginar!!).
Más allá que nuestra vida actual tenga obligaciones y cargas, sabemos que al menos, podemos alzar nuestra voz para pautar nuestras obligaciones y marcar nuestras necesidades.

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118 comentarios:

Anónimo dijo...

chuta ale tenes razon pero eso de que la mujer tiene que estar en la casa cuidando a los guaguas es cosa arraigada desde hace fuuuuuuuuu..!!!

pero bueno en mi pais a lo menos a cambiado muchisimo, a menos mujeres les interesa llevar esa vida, primero quieren triunfar profesionalmente de ahi si lo que venga....

te sigo aca tambien, con candor el GuAmBrA..!!!

La candorosa dijo...

GUAMBRA LOCO:

Por suerte, las cosa con el paso del tiempo han ido cambiando, pero aún quedan algunos "focos" de resistencia dando vueltas!! ajaaa

Ojalá cada día sean más las mujeres que vivan como lo deseen, ya sea desarrollándose profesionalmente o ¡¡lustrando el piso!!

Gracias por la visita por aquí también!!!

Saludazos!!!

Milenius dijo...

Uy, Candorosa, recuerdo que mi mamá era una de las pocas mamás del colegio que trabajaba. Recuerdo que generalmente no podía ir a las reuniones, y yo me veía en la "obligación" de "justificar su ausencia".
Pero también recuerdo que no pedía permisos casi para nada. Ella compró terreno, decidió construir, y esa es la casa en la que yo vivo. Mi padre tenía sus cosas... no fue fácil para él ser él, no fue fácil para mi mamá ser su esposa, no fue fácil para nosotros ser sus hijos. Era más bueno que el pan, pero tenía poca iniciativa; sin mi mamá y sus ausencias y su sueldo, poco habríamos tenido.
Sin embargo, siempre, mis hermanos y yo dábamos un poquito de "lástima".
Teníamos que limpiar y ordenar la casa (los tres, varones y mujer), hacernos cargo de nuestra vida desde chicos.
Qué suerte que mi vieja se animó (no por mi papá, sino por el suyo, que la quería fregando y planchando).
Poco hubiéramos hubiéramos puesto en el plato con la lástima ajena.
Estas cosas se dejan de lado muchas veces, y aún hoy, aunque parezca mentira.
No es fácil criar hijos, tener un trabajo, lograr cosas. Siempre está la mirada del otro, que juzga, que quiere imponer su punto de vista.
Pero también ahí estamos nosotras, queriendo salir, queriendo hacer.
Y ahí vamos... Es un camino largo (¡¡todavía nos falta tanto!!).
Pero poco a poco lo recorremos.
¡Salú por nosotras, doña, y candores varios!

La candorosa dijo...

MILENIUS:
Su madre supo hacer lo que otras no pudieron, no se animaron o ni sabían como!!

Los hijos de madres como la suya, hoy tienen otras perspectivas del mundo. Son personas que no esperan que les caiga maná del cielo.
Ni esperan pedir permiso para llevar adelante una vida.

Me encantó conocer parte de la historia de una mujer de aquellos tiempos, que no esperó a que un príncipe viniera a rescatarla!!


HOy muchas cosas siguen siendo complicadas, pero siempre recuerdo una frase de mi madre: que no te importe lo que digan, ellos no te pagan ni la comida, ni la luz, ni el gas...

Salú doña y besotes!

Any dijo...

Yo no conocí otra forma, mi vieja tenía dos laburos porque la plata nunca alcanzaba; mi padre vivía afuera y nos enviaba dinero, pero igual, siempre vivíamos al día.
Yo trabajé desde los 18, no creo que pudiera acostumbrarme a depender absolutamente del dinero de otra persona. Aunque a veces estoy tan cansada de renegar que pienso "que bueno sería tener un marido que pague las cuentas mientras yo me quedo en casa pasando el plumero y mirando la novela" pero no, duraría dos días, al tercero caminaría por las paredes ... .
Me parece que como decís vos lo ideal sería encontrar un equilibrio, trabajar en algo que te guste y compartir al 50% el tema casa-hijos con la pareja. Los hombres medio que se hacen los burros en este aspecto.
besos Cando

Abrujandradespeinada dijo...

Ay Lacando cómo me hace estas cosas a esta altura de la semana. Recién me saco el plumero del culín y me siento a leer la entrada suya.
Mi historia es particular al respecto, desde principios de este año "él" paga las cuentas, la olla y yo en casa.
Laburo desde los 18, ya tenía una beba en brazos y un marido que cuidar, después de 10 años así, me animé y recorrí sola unos años que fueron interminables de tropezones, de no saber para dónde ir, ausente completamente de la vida de mi hija (trabajaba de lunes a sábados el día entero) con culpa, poniendo al día la casa como podía.
La vida sola con una hija no fue fácil, el acoso de los que saben que estás sola, los novios que te quieren ensoquetar la gente que te quiere, divertirte, etc. ...pero me gustaba. Después me enamoré, con muchas idas y venidas tenemos en nuestro haber 8 años de dar vueltas en nuestra relación, un día tuvo el merecido reconocimiento laboral, ya mi sueldo no era necesario y me lo propuso ¿querés dejarlo? siempre te quejás de esa oficina, dejala y acá estoy ¿descansando?
Pienso para que no me escuchen que en cualquier momento salgo a laburar nuevamente, es que no quiero que digan que soy como la gata flora ¿será la costumbre? ¿será que el trabajo dignifica? ¿yo me siento un parásito? no, eso no...pero parece que cuando laburaba, descansaba más ¡ja!

La candorosa dijo...

ANY:

Entiendo lo que cuenta, teniendo en cuenta además que desde muy joven salió a "proveerse" de lo suyo...
Pero imagino (por experiencia propia, eh!!), que lo nuestro sería más un "mecenas", jaaaaa!!!

El equilibrio es algo que no es fácil de lograr, pero al menos con la intención de conseguirlo, se van sobrellevando las cargas, las vocaciones y los gustos de esta vida!!

Y apoyo sus dichos: aún quedan muchos hombres haciéndose los burros con estas cuestiones, eh!!

Besotes doña y gracias!!

La candorosa dijo...

ABRU:

Mire, tal vez he recorrido un camino parecido al suyo, con etapas de esposa que trabajaba, de madre sola que trabajaba, de pareja con hijos en casa... ¡¡pasé por todos los estados de vida!! (?)

Pero hay una realidad medio ingrata, y es que las cosas del hogar son cansadoras... y como dijeran las mujeres de hace muchos años: "Tanto trabajo que creés terminado... ¡¡y mañana lo tenés que hacer otra vez!!"
O "Tanto limpiar para que la casa no luzca" jaaaaaaaaaaaa

Es que para una mujer que ha tenido la experiencia de lograr su dinero o sus reconocimientos profesionales fuera de casa... mmmmhhh... no es fácil.

Mujeres del mundo: ¡¡Aboguemos por el equilibrio reparador de nuestros espíritus!!... y también aboguemos por una señora que aunque más no sea, ¡¡venga tres veces por semana!! jajaaaaaaaa

Besotes con todo mi candor, doña!

Mariela Torres dijo...

Lo interesante sería poder elegir. Si una quiere quedarse en la casa no sé si es bien vista.

Me gustó mucho el blog, y su entrada, por supuesto, Cando.

¡Saludos!

La candorosa dijo...

MARIELA:
Si la elección es quedarse en casa, debe ser respetada, supongo.
El problema es cuando las elecciones y los deseos de muchas mujeres no son escuchados ni reconocidos!!

Gracias por la visita!!!

Besotes candorosos!!

gamar dijo...

No se, no se.
Si les digo que me encantaría que una mujer me mantenga y yo me quedo en casa haciendo muchas de las cosas que ya hago pero sin trabajar?
Tal vez en unos años escriban un post añorando esos años en los que podían trabajar sólo en casa y que un marido se encargue de proveer.
pero en fin.
Felicitaciones por su nuevo lugar de publicación y como siempre muy divertido, sólo que a mi me gusta llevar la contra.
Besos.

La candorosa dijo...

GAMAR:

Usté sabe que lo quiero un montón, ¡¡así que no me haga renegar, caramba!!

Lo mejor es que ambos integrantes de una pareja, conviviente claro, divida las tareas que el hogar requiere ¿no le parece?
Pues como anuncia mi frase de cabecera: "En un hogar, ¡¡nadie es sirviente de nadie!!"

Claro que si usté me promete poner una persona para los quehaceres domésticos en su totalidad, ¡¡casi que le propongo matrimonio, mire!!

¡¡Gracias por la visita!!
Besotes ¡y candores amplios!

maracuyá dijo...

Permiso Candorosa, voy a alzar mi voz.

Mire Gamar, si usted quisiera yo lo hago feliz. Puede quedarse en mi casa, asumir la parte abnegada que me toca (que para mi fortuna está equitativamente compartida, pero me pesa igual) y yo lo mantengo ¿quiere?...

Felicitaciones por integrar este equipo, Candorosa.

Un abrazo en blogger.

Milenius dijo...

Parece que ha levantado polvareda, Candorosa.
Creo que no hay "una verdad". En esto, como en tantas cosas, hay una verdad por persona.
El tema es que lo que es válido para una puede no serlo para la otra. Ni qué decir si estas dos personas son pareja, ¿no?
No creo que sí o sí las mujeres deban trabajar fuera de casa, ni tampoco creo sí o sí que tengan que quedarse en casa. Ni tampoco que una cosa sea mejor que la otra por definición.
Como conté en los comentarios, mi mamá trabajaba y tuvimos que hacernos cargo desde chicos, y no siempre fue lindo. Muchas veces (muchas) extrañaba, muchas veces me sentí sola, y durante un tiempo, después de tener a nuestro primer hijo, con su papá decidimos que yo me quedara en casa (aun cuando yo ganaba más que él en mi trabajo).
¡Tampoco es tan cómodo quedarse en casa y ser una "mantenida" como dice Gamar (ojo, estoy trayendo el término que él usó en su comentario)! Todo se cobra, amigo, todo. Que te "mantengan" también. ¿Qué pasa con esa "mantenida" cuando la relación no funciona más? Le dan una patada (sea cual sea el acuerdo que hayan tenido durante el matrimonio), y tiene que salir a vérselas por sí misma como pueda, y muchas veces sin recursos, o con muy pocos.
Antes de decidir quedarse en casa hay que pensar qué podría hacer una si la relación no funciona más. Eso yo no lo pensé muy bien. Y te puedo asegurar que me costó muchíiiiiiiisimo más de lo que hoy yo misma podría tolerar.
Es ahí donde el "modelo" funciona muy mal. De golpe te ves en la calle, teniendo que salir a trabajar, y si nunca lo hiciste, o si pasaron años desde que trabajaste por última vez, la cosa se complica, y mucho.
En ese sentido, me parece que es importante que las mujeres tengamos la cabeza abierta: no siempre vamos a tener alguien al lado (o sí, pero no sé si importa), no siempre las cosas tienen que irle bien sí o sí a esa persona (¿qué pasa cuando el hombre se queda sin trabajo?), y hay que abrirse a tener posibilidades.
De lo que sí estoy segura es de que, salgamos o no a trabajar, tenemos que tener el bocho abierto para saber qué hacer cuando la olla pide a gritos que le metas algo adentro.
Y si no tenés problemas de plata, ser independiente te cura de muchos males, uno de ellos, convertirse en una "obse" que no puede sacarle los ojos de encima a los hijos o al marido, permitirles a los hijos crecer de manera independiente, enseñarles a cuidarse y a cuidar al otro. Que el marido y los hijos, además, aprendan que una no está "para servirlos" es una yapa que no tiene precio.
Ay, mi dió, cómo hablo...

La candorosa dijo...

MARACUYÁ:

Amiga, mejor organicemos la cuestión: que don Gamar vaya tres días por semana a su casa, y otros tres a la mía!!! (y como somos tan buenas, le damos el domingo libre!!)

¿Le parece bien?

¡¡Gracias por la visita!!

Besotes grandotes!!

La candorosa dijo...

MILENIUS:
Hay tantas realidades y "verdades" como personas existan, ¡¡si doña!!
Seguramente cuando se trata de parejas convivientes lo interesante es que ambos intenten ponerse de acuerdo respecto de lo que cada uno puede dar y necesita recibir!!!

¡¡Nada es "si o si" en la vida, graciadió!!... si fuera así, ya más que vida, ¡¡sería una condena!!

Por eso, ante un matrimonio donde los acuerdos o el equilibrio es muy complicado... lo mejor terminan siendo ¡¡los abogados!!...

Por eso también es interesante que toda mujer pruebe en una profesión o una actividad, para poder ver si puede resolver cuestiones laborales... pues nunca se sabe que puede determinar el destino, vio!!

Por tal decretemos: "intentemos encontrar el equilibrio, solas o en pareja, para que la vida de todos pueda ser siempre más plena!!"
Ommmmmmm...
En realidad no me haga caso, es viernes, ¡¡¡y los viernes me gana el optimismo "finsemanero"!!!

Besotes grandes, doña!!

Milenius dijo...

Ommmmm...
tal cual, Candorosa, y con 300 palabras menos.
Es la neurona, es la neurona...

besos!

La candorosa dijo...

Es el encanto de los viernes...

Sigamos, vamos!!
Ommmmm...
Ommmmm...

Más besotes!

PD: Ommmm...

Anónimo dijo...

lo que más me puede gustar del mundo: una mujer libre que no vaya en busca de la estabilidad de la pareja, sino de la vida

El Bárbaro dijo...

Oiga,

Por ser ella en relación de dependencia y yo zafral...los quehaceres hogareños están bajo mi mando!
Y no hubo necesidad de ponernos de acuerdo, se dió así.
Si entre laburo y laburo me aburro y entonces, manos a la obra.Me parecía injusto que mientras ella laburaba, la casa se fuera llenado de telas de araña y mugre en general.
Y de mis 3 rudimentarios platos culinarios....pasé a dominar muchossss mas! Eso si, la sazón puede estar un poco picante...
Y agradezco infinitamente el poder haber criado a mi retoño.(para que sepa, los piropos mas lascivos que recibí en mi vida fue con mi retoñito en una mochilita portabebé) Y quizás mi aspecto de gorila malhumorado inhibía a otros machos a burlarse....

Pero para que esto no sea demasiado dulce, le cuento que cuando llega el fin de semana se me agregan las tareas del hombre de la casa grrrrrrr
No se puede cortar el pasto y amasar una pizza a la vez!

Briks dijo...

estee....

si, tenes razón.
en casa yo no te toco una escoba pero NO pretendo que lo haga ella.
por suerte podemos pagarle a una señorita que nos ayuda con eso

por eso no entiendo qué placer siente la negra en romperme las bolas con la limpieza

"vos nunca limpias"
Y NO!
PARA ESO LE PAGO A UNA MINA !

cocinar, cocino como los dioses (lo que saben cocinar)
tambien lavo ropa

na! al final me doy cuenta que soy divino




;¬P

La candorosa dijo...

AMOR:

Muy interesantes y positivas sus palabras!!

Le agradezco el aporte por este blog!!
Un gusto su visita, señor!!

Besotes y candores!

La candorosa dijo...

EL BÁRBARO:

Pero... pero... ¡¡no haberlo encontrado con la mochila portabebés!!!...
Con esa imagen, ¡¡millones de mujeres a sus pies, eh!!!
(A mucha dama la derrite el papá y el hijito de paseo o de compras!!)

Igualmente no le perdono el no haber incluido en este comentario... ¡¡los detalles y recetas de sus manjares!!

Y antes que me olvide, ¿no me dice realmente cual jabón en polvo le parece mejor?

Besotes y candor, ¡¡señor!!

La candorosa dijo...

BRIKS:
Bien, el pagar a alguien para que haga las cosas del hogar es una solución práctica y salvadora!!!

Ahora una cosita... imagino que su mujer lo que intenta decirle es:
"Por más que venga una persona a limpiar ¡¡mantené limpio caramba!!
Pues, salvo que sea personal con cama adentro, todo lo que se enrroñie cuando la "señora de la limpieza" no está... imagino que lo hace... ¡¡su mujer!!

Mire, para creer que es buen cocinero... ¡¡invite con algo, caramba!!jaaa!!!

Candorosos besotes, lavados, planchados y ordenados!! (?)

Milenius dijo...

Coincido, Cando, en una cosa sobre todo: aquellos que dicen que cocinan bárbaro, tienen que invitar.

¿O qué? ¿Les tenemos que creer únicamente porque nos hacen el honor de visitarnos?

laura dijo...

a lo mejor mi caso es un poco atípico, estuvimos viviendo fuera del país hasta el año pasado, cuestiones de laburo de mi chico, cosa q por un lado era genial y por el otro significó dejar un poco de lado mi carrera aqui en baires.

Todo bien yo elegí seguirlo y ponerme en ese sitio. El tema es q al volver yo tuve q reiniciar desde cero (mas de tres años afuera, no es poco tiempo)cosa que hizo q este año mi laburo fuera poco y nada (profe de geografía)entonces, estoy en una mezcla de los casos mencionados.

Pero si algo tengo en claro es que laburando fuera de casa o quedandome adentro, las tareas de la casa se reparten. Y mi chico, como la gran mayoría fue siempre un nenito de mamá que ni una cama sabía tender, bueno ya aprendió, yo no tuve culpa de su crianza.

Y si bien lo que dijo Briks es cierto con respecto a tener una señora que haga la limpieza a fondo, comparto que después hay que cuidar, niños no tengo asiq no sabría opinar a ese respecto, pero lo que sí fui aprendiendo es que las tareas de la casa también vienen con el "paquete" y que esto también es de a dos.

besos

La candorosa dijo...

MILENIUS:

Pero porfavó!!!!

Si es por dichos... ¡¡yo soy Brigitte Bardot!!

Pruebas... ¡¡PRUEBAS!!

Abrazazos muchos, doña!!

La candorosa dijo...

LAURA:

Las vueltas de la vida suelen pasearnos por realidades impensadas, las que "como se puedan" se irán resolviendo.

La realidad del hogar, hoy por hoy -y así debería haber sido siempre, salvo por la cuestión pesada del machismo mayor de otros tiempos-, al ser compartida por la pareja o por toda la familia en caso de haber hijos, es lo que compromete a todos con una parte y ¡¡evita la carga injusta para alguien.

Muchas madres "malcrían" hijos -e hijas- no enseñando que las tareas del hogar "no matan" y que sin embargo "la colaboración" es imprescindible en estos tiempos.
Y que nadie tiene que ser "burro de cargas" de nadie.

Me alegro que en su casa "su chico" haya aprendido a colaborar, pues hace también al encanto de una relación.

Obviamente: si hay personal de servicio, ¡¡eso no te da derecho a revolear las cosas por cualquier parte, chancho desordenado!!... pues claro, ¡¡hay abundancia de cómodos!!

Sigamos bregando por el equilibrio existencial hogareño!!! (?)

Vengo embalada, vengo!!

Gracias por la visita y besotes candorosos!!!

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Anónimo dijo...

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